Seasonal

Like ermine in the summertime,

I’ll need you

Six months ago.

Where are you Lord?

If God was anywhere,

He’d be crashing on your couch.

The kind of swine

To round 9.5

Down to 9.

I strolled from Wandsworth to Ealing,

Sipping upon a Darjeeling;

Coffee, I think,

Is an inferior drink,

Which I can never taste the appeal in.

I once travelled from Oxford to Leam,

For an evening of drinking with friends;

I felt my gut flutter,

Puked in a gutter,

Then headed to Oxford again.

Snort your Adderall off a cereal bowl

In the family kitchen:

Breakfast is the most important meal

When it comes to your cognition.

A word on obsession:

It’s only an issue

If you’ve fewer than two.

My blue suede shoes

Are a size too small,

As are these lines.

She has an hourglass body.

By which I mean,

That the last few grains of sand are sinking into the lower atrium.

I thought I was the homonym phenomenon,

But today an eight-year-old informed me that chilli is a contranym.