The Management Consultant
Could you open the door for me, please?
No, no, no, you’ll never advance like that:
Tailing with a “please”, like a servile rat.
And that ambiguous opener, the tip-toeing “Could”;
Let them know its non-optional, a must, more even than a “should”.
To do this, we bolt the imperative to the verb:
“Open the door”, at volume, so as to ensure that they’ve heard.
And for godsakes dispense with that awful “for me”;
Allow the cretin to retain some sense of their autonomy–
In fact, let them trust that they’re worth something to you:
A fronted adverbial– “kindly”– will do.
But why are we turning door knobs at all?
I’ll make a conservative sum to rile your gall:
Three seconds to open, a hundred times a day,
Thirty minutes a week, two hours per pay;
In a calendar year you’ve lost a whole day’s labour–
Ergonomically speaking, it leaves a grim flavour.
I’d direct you to this electric model– how its glass does so glisten–
And this way, you won’t ever even need a colleague’s assistance.